The New Me!

pjdillon@attglobal.net
The process of re-invention continues to gather momentum.
Not entirely satisfied with the way things have unfolded this past year – but with the whole brain malaria thing being somewhat of a mitigating factor – I’ve again put pen to paper, or rather index fingers to keyboard, long enough to retool my CV. It’s something I do every few months as a matter of course, or more frequently should the need arise, accenting certain characteristics while downplaying others in order to seduce employers. In other words, padding a bra for the boob-obsessed, or donning a sailor-suit for the nautically inclined: just show me the money.
It’s always a bit of an adventure, an opportunity to take stock, to review the personal ledger, to really center oneself in the cosmos by
looking squarely into the mirror and asking the age-old question: Just how much bullshit can I get away with?
In order to throw his hat into the ring for those fat ngo-esque contracts that are always floating about in the ether, in this latest incarnation the Grinch is reformatting himself as a “Contract Communications Consultant”.
Rolls off the tongue, no? I’m wondering how it would look should I decide to have cards made. And should I have the printing of my name raised and embossed or merely the new Triple C ?
It was one of the few memorable scenes in a dreary movie and forgettable book, American Psycho: the whole pathology of business cards and the game of one-upmanship the anal retentive billionaires play amongst themselves.

“It is very cool, Bateman,” Van Patten says guardedly, the jealous bastard, “but that’s nothing…” He pulls out this wallet and slaps a card next to an ashtray. “Look at this.”
We all lean over to inspect David’s card and Price quietly says, “That’s really nice.” A brief spasm of jealousy courses through me and I notice the elegance of the color and the classy type. I clench my fist as Van Patten says, smugly, “Eggshell with Romanian type…” He turns to me. “What do you think?”
“Nice,” I croak, but manage a nod, as the busboy brings us four fresh Bellinis.
“Jesus,” says Price, holding the card up to the light, ignoring the new drinks. “This is super, how’d a nitwit like you get so tasteful?”
I’m looking at Van Patten’s card and then at mine and cannot believe Price actually likes Van Patten’s better. Dizzy, I sip my drink and then take a deep breath.
“But wait,” says Price. “You ain’t seen nothing yet…” He pulls his out of an inside pocket and slowly, dramatically, turns it over for our inspection and says, “Mine.”
Even I have to admit it’s magnificent.
Suddenly, the restaurant seems far away, hushed, the noise distant, a meaningless hum compared to this card, and we all head Price’s words: “Raised lettering, pale, nimbus while…”
“Holy shit,” Van Patten exclaims. “I’ve never seen…”
“Nice, very nice, “ have to admit. “But wait, let’s see Montgomery’s”
Price pulls it out and though he’s acting nonchalant, I don’t’ see how he can ignore its subtle off-white coloring, its tasteful thickness. I’m unexpectedly depressed that I started this.

Yes, I too was unexpectedly depressed too, by the fact that I continued to read this awful crap till the end.
Anyway, just for the helluvvit, here’s a non-formatted copy of today’s new CV, fresh from the oven and soon to be posted on the databases of various head-hunter-type on-line organizations like Canadem, Ceci.ca and others.
See if YOU can spot the three blatant lies, six exaggerations and two misrepresentations! It’s fun for the whole family!

Da Grinch
Address: Somewhere in Jakarta

SKILLS Able to absorb, evaluate and condense large amounts of information into cogent, well-written and timely briefs.
Ability to work independently and effectively in both conflict and post-conflict environments.
Extensive frontline work experience in Central and Southeast Asia.
Advanced interviewing and editing skills honed over 15 years working as a journalist and editor.
Several years experience in managerial news positions in magazines and newspapers both in Indonesia and abroad.
Equipped and proficient with a broadcast-quality digital video camera (Sony PD-150), mics and peripherals, and a digital stills camera.
Comfortable working off both PC and Mac platforms.

WORK EXPERIENCE January 2003 – Present
Contract Communications Consultant
UNICEF, GTZ (German Technical Cooperation)
Duties: Development project monitoring and assessment, production of communications materials for both internal and external use, creation of a domestic mission statement, employee handbook, contracts etc.

April 1999 – Present
Jakarta-based freelance correspondent
Globe & Mail (Canada), USA Today, US News & World Report, The Scotsman, MSNBC, BSkyB (UK, Aus.), Cape Radio (S Africa) etc
Duties: Filing regular news and feature stories and analysis pieces for a wide range of daily newspapers and magazines, and voice files for radio.

February 2002 – August 2002
Bureau Chief
Deutsche Presse Agentur (dpa)
Kabul, Afghanistan
Duties: Re-established dpa’s Kabul bureau, providing news coverage of Afghanistan. Trained local stringers and administration staff. Negotiated a cooperative news venture with the Afghan national media service.

October 2001 – February 2002
Managing Editor
Djakarta! City Life Magazine
Jakarta, Indonesia
Duties: Day-to-day management of the editorial and production staff of a dynamic, bilingual city life magazine. Developing a reporting structure within the office, an appreciation for deadlines and the desire to excel among local staff.

November 1988 – April 1999
Journalist/News Editor
Canada
Duties: General assignment reporter and, later, section editor. As news editor of a Vancouver-area newspaper for two years (1997-98), I was responsible for the daily operations of the newsroom, coordinating the summer internship program, and organizing seminars for news staff.

EDUCATION Bachelor of Arts – BA (Journalism)
Bachelor of Arts – BA (History)
Concordia University – Montreal, Canada, 1990

RELATED INFO I am fluently bilingual (English/French) and have an excellent working knowledge of Indonesian.
In addition to my regular commitments I am in the process of shooting a video documentary about funeral rituals in eastern Indonesia.
In October I completed my second book editing contract, an Equinox Publishing (Jakarta) 250-page, coffee table book entitled Celebrating Indonesia: Fifty Years Of the Ford Foundation In Indonesia. I also copy edited the best-selling book Jakarta Inside-Out (2002).

INTERESTS Reading, travel, motorcycles, Indonesian batik and ikat, Blogging

REFERENCES References can be provided upon request