News Item 1:
Minister proposes giving endangered Sumatran tigers to “rich people” as a conservation measure.
News Item 2:
SBY bitch-slaps (Javanese style) proto-Taliban MinTwit for proposed Internet control measures
News Item 3: Religious Affairs pimps want $50,000 down payment for RI brides
A couple of days after the vice-president declared Jan 22 the national day for wildlife conservation, the Ministry of Deforestation floated the idea of ‘renting’ critically endangered Sumatran tigers to rich folk as a serious governmental conservation effort.
For a mere one billion Rupiah ($110,000), and with the understanding that there’s ample space and food, well-heeled Indonesians will be allowed to ‘adopt’ a tiger of their very own, (though it would remain the ‘property’ of the state).
The deforestation ministry’s chief of nature conservation was widely quoted saying “There is much demand from rich people who want them, who feel that if they own a tiger they are big shots. We have to take concrete steps to protect these animals.”
Stroke of genius: get rid of all those pesky carnivores so we can pave Sumatra with oil plantations! Presumably they’ll come up with some brilliant new idea to deal with the populations of Sumatran elephants, rhinos and orangutan once the loggers manage to buy their way into the Leuser ecosystem for real.
In an effort to control the ensuring shitstorm of protest from the NGO set that obviously doesn’t care about tigers – there’s something like 400-500 of them left – and don’t understand their needs and aspirations (ya know, WWF, Greenpeace etc), the loggers, (oops, I mean ministerial tree huggers) busted a couple of Jakarta suits operating their own personal conservatories. A total of three adult tigers and six yoots were seized in two raids, along with all manner of endangered birds, mammals and, it is rumored, Gary Coleman.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say our favorite kneecapper Tommy W is behind this. TW crept out of his lair long enough recently to bankroll the release of two tigers in Lampung. If you’ve seen his house, or those of his henchmen (darn, I mean, business associates) y’know he’s gonna have a full on chubby for his personal collection of tigers, hawks and komodo dragons. Further research will be required on this one…
President Waffle took time out of his busy schedule having knives removed from his back to publicly roasted Minister of Twits Tifatul Sembiring this week for the colossal clusterfuck that is his ministry.
The issue this time ‘round was the recently released draft of a bill from the Communication and Info Tech ministry that will create an internet death panel empowered to order service provides to prohibit access to websites it deems offensive. It will also require internet providers to monitor all content, and hold them legally responsible should “offensive” or “illegal” material arrive on the desktops of impressionable Indonesian citizens.
MinTwit was swanning about Europe when the draft was released. Rather than wait for him to return to take his punishment like a man, SBY, in true Javanese fashion, noted that ministers really ought to submit draft bills to the palace before floating them to the public. He mentioned no names….
“I hope ministers do not come up with too-early statements… that could create the wrong perception in the public,” the prez was quoted as saying. “I want to remind all cabinet members that if there are thoughts or intentions to prepare a government regulation or bills, [you are] obliged to report it to the president through the cabinet secretary or state secretary”.
For those unfamiliar with the niceties of Javanese diplomacy, that was a public bitch-slap.
While MinTwit Sembiring was not personally responsible for this idiotic idea (step right this way, Sofyan Djalil!) it dovetails nicely with the Taliban-Lite world views he espoused as head of the PKS: after all, you should be in the mosque, not pulling your pud watching Cinta Laura videos on YouTube.
This is the latest half-baked idea to emerge from MinTwit’s entourage (see past posts ad nauseum), that included: his personal intervention several months back to sever internet access for all First Media subscribers in Indonesia, blaming earthquake/tsunamis on immoral behavior, and efforts to geld the country’s anti-corruption ninjas by requiring they submit wire tap requests for judicial review.
Indonesia has not been blessed with particularly wise or thoughtful religious affairs ministers over the past decade, and the new guy, Suryadharma Ali, seems intent on further lowering bar.
The latest offering, contained a draft marriage bill, is the proposal that would require foreign men to deposit Rp 500,000,000 ($55,000) in a Sharia bank account if they intend to marry an Indonesian woman. The intent of the down payment contained in Article 142 appears to be to prevent horny Arabs with a taste for unregistered temporary Islamic marriages (known as nika sirih) from leaving their local lady destitute when he decides to swap her for a younger model, (or reverts to type and shacks up with some doe-eyed four-legged beauty).
The bill contains several other ill-conceived ideas to address nika sirih that the ministry’s DG for Islamic guidance expects to present to the Cabinet secretary. Amidst all the howls of protest, the analysis from the NU’s women’s organization resonated loudest in my mind. Besides sounding like the ministry is pimping out the nation’s treasures, they asked, ‘who decided we are only worth Rp. 500 million?”
Brilliant!
Unmentioned in the bill is that these booty bounty provisions will only apply to Muslims marrying Muslims, so presumably kafir are more reliable in these matters.
Observers will recall that Indonesia’s past religious Kahunas include Indiana Jones wannabe Said Agil Al Munawar, who responded to a vision from his personal dukun, by attempting to excavate a grave in the dead of night in search of billions of dollars worth of Sukarno’s gold, and was subsequently sentenced to five-years in jail for fraud. He, as others before and since have sold their souls for Saudi dollars (funding construction of their swish new headquarters by some accounts) while enriching themselves, their staff and their political parties at the expense of true believers by jacking the costs of state-organized Haj pilgrimages.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Enough Demo(cracy): Time to Split Some Heads
Jakartans are daily witnessing the application of the old adage about too much democracy being a bad thing.
At the risk of lining up behind Mahathir Mohammed and Lee Kuan Yew whose distain for the practical application of democratic principles is eloquent and well documented, I long for the days when a phalanx of club-wielding Brimob stormtroopers could be relied up to clear rabble from the streets of the capitol.
Alas, with the very rare exception, the days of the legitimate act of mass demonstration or the use of street power to effect change in Indonesia are past. The last true manifestation of this was the elections of 1999 when the main thoroughfares of the country’s population centers vanished beneath a sea of red and black t-shirted supporters of HRH Megawati Sukarnoputri.
Beyond the on-going reformation of modern day Indonesia, there were two street-level consequences of these demos.
The first is that the security forces were forced to step back from the traditional iron fist/smoking barrel approach to crowd control. The clearest manifestation has been in police response to demonstrations in Jakarta. Lead-cored batons, shields and tear gas have been replaced by rows of unarmed shovel-faced female cops (PolWan) in fuchsia lipstick linking arms in front of the rows of the riot cops. It defuses the situation remarkably well, though whether it’s because the mob fears these PolWan as much as I do (gimme a fat cracker Javanese cop anyday), or the humor value, is a mystery to me.
The second consequence is that the shadowy forces that bankrolled and coordinated the demonstrations the ultimately forced Suharto to resign in 1998 – imagine the logistics of supplying food, drink, transportation and cigarettes to 250,000 people on the streets of the capitol for days on end – learned they could affect change by harnessing street power. Many individuals were beaten; some died. But the political calculus of the day declared this an acceptable butcher’s bill.
No longer fearing the cops and intelligence agencies, the nation’s business and political elite have been allowed to refine the use of paid demonstrations to push narrow partisan political causes. Demonstrations now are purely cynical affairs. Powerful people pay for organizers to disgorge the ignorant poor from buses in front of the target of the day. Lead by bullhorns and carrying banners they can’t read, they regularly bring the city to a standstill for the equivalent of $2/head and a boxed lunch.
So in-grained is this demo-in-a-box approach that when Aceh-born media magnate Surya Paloh and the poor, deluded, Sultan of Yogya decided they were going to launch a ‘mass organization’ last month they put 25,000 paid butts in the seats of Bung Karno stadium to provide the applause.
As much as it galls me to admit, the rare exception to the current rule comes from fundamentalist elements of Islamic society who have rallied their members to the street around a specific issue. Through 2008 and 2009, thousands of white-clad wannabes in Taliban short-pants and scraggly beards aligned with the vile Indonesian arm of Hizbut Tahrir, joined the gangster bagmen-turned-preachers of the Islamic Defenders Front (FPI) and other hateful, church-and mosque burning constituencies associated with the Indonesian Ulema’s Council in well choreographed shows of force before the presidential palace to demand the clocks be turned back the 6th century.
You may not like it, and their access should be restricted to minimize the impact on city residents, but at least they come with a set of principles, racist, misogynist and violent as they may be. Nothing illegal in having an opinion. If they break the law, then the police should drive those Droogies into the pavement. Otherwise let ‘em holler and “allahuakbar” at an indifferent population and empty buildinga till the cows come home.
More typical are the bogus demonstrations that have been going on in front of the KPK offices for the past six weeks. Like tens of thousands of others, I’ve suffered through the interminable traffic delays caused when 45 gormless kampung nut-scratchers in masks bring eight lanes of traffic to a halt for hours at a time. They’ve no idea why they’re there except that something called “Bank Century” is “corrupt” and some woman (a politically naïve finance minister who dares to stare down powerful business interests) is “Satan”.
Well, enough is enough. It is time for Jakarta Governor Fuzzy Bobo to take off the gloves, crush these cockroaches, publicly name and prosecute the organizers, and demand they remunerate everyone inconvenienced by their actions. He can start by rejecting any application for a demonstration permit with the slightest hint of being a paid-for event. Civil society has already attacked him for suggesting changes to the current free-for-all, blathering on about “freedom of expression” and “human rights” etc. Bull. Democracy and human rights do not trump the rights of tens of thousands of commuters, office workers and ordinary folks who just wanna get to work on time or home at the end of a long day. This is street theatre, not 'democracy', and should be confined to the stage (or as Bobo suggested, the park surrounding the National Monument, Monas).
Meantime, ladies, wipe off the lipstick, pick up a truncheon and start beating out a path.
Postscript:
On March 4, the Jakarta Globe published the following story about rent-a-demo:
http://www.thejakartaglobe.com/national/jakarta-protesters-unite-show-us-the-money-and-food/361715
At the risk of lining up behind Mahathir Mohammed and Lee Kuan Yew whose distain for the practical application of democratic principles is eloquent and well documented, I long for the days when a phalanx of club-wielding Brimob stormtroopers could be relied up to clear rabble from the streets of the capitol.
Alas, with the very rare exception, the days of the legitimate act of mass demonstration or the use of street power to effect change in Indonesia are past. The last true manifestation of this was the elections of 1999 when the main thoroughfares of the country’s population centers vanished beneath a sea of red and black t-shirted supporters of HRH Megawati Sukarnoputri.
Beyond the on-going reformation of modern day Indonesia, there were two street-level consequences of these demos.
The first is that the security forces were forced to step back from the traditional iron fist/smoking barrel approach to crowd control. The clearest manifestation has been in police response to demonstrations in Jakarta. Lead-cored batons, shields and tear gas have been replaced by rows of unarmed shovel-faced female cops (PolWan) in fuchsia lipstick linking arms in front of the rows of the riot cops. It defuses the situation remarkably well, though whether it’s because the mob fears these PolWan as much as I do (gimme a fat cracker Javanese cop anyday), or the humor value, is a mystery to me.
The second consequence is that the shadowy forces that bankrolled and coordinated the demonstrations the ultimately forced Suharto to resign in 1998 – imagine the logistics of supplying food, drink, transportation and cigarettes to 250,000 people on the streets of the capitol for days on end – learned they could affect change by harnessing street power. Many individuals were beaten; some died. But the political calculus of the day declared this an acceptable butcher’s bill.
No longer fearing the cops and intelligence agencies, the nation’s business and political elite have been allowed to refine the use of paid demonstrations to push narrow partisan political causes. Demonstrations now are purely cynical affairs. Powerful people pay for organizers to disgorge the ignorant poor from buses in front of the target of the day. Lead by bullhorns and carrying banners they can’t read, they regularly bring the city to a standstill for the equivalent of $2/head and a boxed lunch.
So in-grained is this demo-in-a-box approach that when Aceh-born media magnate Surya Paloh and the poor, deluded, Sultan of Yogya decided they were going to launch a ‘mass organization’ last month they put 25,000 paid butts in the seats of Bung Karno stadium to provide the applause.
As much as it galls me to admit, the rare exception to the current rule comes from fundamentalist elements of Islamic society who have rallied their members to the street around a specific issue. Through 2008 and 2009, thousands of white-clad wannabes in Taliban short-pants and scraggly beards aligned with the vile Indonesian arm of Hizbut Tahrir, joined the gangster bagmen-turned-preachers of the Islamic Defenders Front (FPI) and other hateful, church-and mosque burning constituencies associated with the Indonesian Ulema’s Council in well choreographed shows of force before the presidential palace to demand the clocks be turned back the 6th century.
You may not like it, and their access should be restricted to minimize the impact on city residents, but at least they come with a set of principles, racist, misogynist and violent as they may be. Nothing illegal in having an opinion. If they break the law, then the police should drive those Droogies into the pavement. Otherwise let ‘em holler and “allahuakbar” at an indifferent population and empty buildinga till the cows come home.
More typical are the bogus demonstrations that have been going on in front of the KPK offices for the past six weeks. Like tens of thousands of others, I’ve suffered through the interminable traffic delays caused when 45 gormless kampung nut-scratchers in masks bring eight lanes of traffic to a halt for hours at a time. They’ve no idea why they’re there except that something called “Bank Century” is “corrupt” and some woman (a politically naïve finance minister who dares to stare down powerful business interests) is “Satan”.
Well, enough is enough. It is time for Jakarta Governor Fuzzy Bobo to take off the gloves, crush these cockroaches, publicly name and prosecute the organizers, and demand they remunerate everyone inconvenienced by their actions. He can start by rejecting any application for a demonstration permit with the slightest hint of being a paid-for event. Civil society has already attacked him for suggesting changes to the current free-for-all, blathering on about “freedom of expression” and “human rights” etc. Bull. Democracy and human rights do not trump the rights of tens of thousands of commuters, office workers and ordinary folks who just wanna get to work on time or home at the end of a long day. This is street theatre, not 'democracy', and should be confined to the stage (or as Bobo suggested, the park surrounding the National Monument, Monas).
Meantime, ladies, wipe off the lipstick, pick up a truncheon and start beating out a path.
Postscript:
On March 4, the Jakarta Globe published the following story about rent-a-demo:
http://www.thejakartaglobe.com/national/jakarta-protesters-unite-show-us-the-money-and-food/361715
Monday, February 01, 2010
Garuda Pancasila, Armani Love Child Horror
Much whingeing and harrumphing this week when some bright bulb got it into his head that Armani, yes that Armani, was pissing on the glorious Republic of Indonesia because one of their t-shirts bears a logo passing similar to the Garuda/eagle icon that serves as the coat of arms attached to the declaration of national principles known as Pancasila (itself a subject for another day).
Leading national daily Kompas directed the government to sue, the now ubiquitous Facebook site petition was created and rather telling the mob of drooling nationalist slap-heads to get a life, Justice Minister Patrialis Akbar waded in claiming possible copyright infringements.
Which is a funny thing for the top lawman to say because if anyone is cruising for a legal bruising it would seem to be the artists that created Indonesia's coat of arms in the first place.
Why they didn’t settle on an image of Vishu’s kick-ass winged chimera in the first place is a bit of a mystery. Instead, the official story is that the Pancasila image was inspired by the Javan hawk, one of the rarest birds on earth according to the Malaysia-based TRAFFIC, a wildlife group that monitors the trade in wild plants and animals. As far as I can tell, the RI Garuda resembles that noble raptor about as much as my hairy green behind. But if one were to troll through the ranks of heraldry one might conclude that the image is the unnatural product of a drunken coupling between a two-headed Russian eagle and Moldovan canary.
The (s)wanky Dago tailors apologized to any offence caused, yanked the t-shirt from the website and everyone has gone back to sleep. But I for one am waiting for Reds to sue RI for stealing their Imperial eagle's love child.
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